As the perennial 'outside-looking-in' observer, one does get resting periods where she gets opportunities to think about one's life. Ultimately for this peeping Tamiya, what makes for ceaseless fascinations are the imperfect yet hilarious-- those mini-sized laugh-out-loud surprises that come her way ever so often.
Is it because I was gifted with an innately curious nature that I see this world as filled with the never-ending extraordinaries. It does make one think. And the difference is mainly the attitude... and attitude spells all the difference.
Since my operation, I have had a lot of sit-downtime to trip & ponder about the many adventures I've had in my lifetime. My friend Cindy who is living in London often said to me that there are the majoritythat walk the path of normalcy (i.e. her) and there are the few-and-far-between ones who live each day being found by an adventure (i.e. ME!). Here or there, it never really matters. I have been in a multitude of places, and one thing holds true: It is the adventures that find me.
Like getting kissed by a Spanish stranger in the Victoria station. Or getting a free kanga keychain from an Ozzie who stood beside me in the underground as I was heading for home, spent from a day's work. Or getting picked up by a very cute (albeit handicapped) crutched Chinese-speaking Englishman inside Tesco one winter's night (the perfect modern winter's tale, i daresay).
Or having winning cabbie conversations each and every time. And finding an abandoned iPod in an abandoned part of the gym shower (I gave it up to lost & found eventually!). Or having a long-time crushes who seek me out because they wish me as their platonic friend forever.
I will always be the first to admit that life shows no signs of slowing down eventhough I tend to be less inclined to want the excitement. For lack of sheer will or energy or both, I simply tell myself I'm through being the fun and freak factor.
Although linear I am not obtuse.
Although child-like I am far from childish.
Although very straightforward, I have never been labelled brash.
Although I very rarely commit to anything, the moment I commit, I do so wholeheartedly.
People always tell me I appear to be unaffected, when in truth I care too much about the ones I love that
I always opt to suffer in silence where they're concerned. I will always take a step to pleading the fifth it it means my silence can make things easier on a loved one.
I have been given the gift for personifying contradiction and survival.
Not to say that I didn't make mistakes, but I was outted at a very young age. ... I've known loss (the worst possible kind) and miraculously found my way back in again.
A lot of my friends applaud my shiny happy optimism. They wonder what makes me tick with positivity. They wonder why intrinsically, I choose to believe that no matter how rampant evil seems to be, therein lies the undying faith in the goodness of humanity.
I know this isn't blind faith. I believe in the goodness of life, living and the lot. I've gone out with men who veer to the opposite end of the spectrum and I shall leave it at them. Is it so very wrong to maintain a happy outlook?
True, my life has seen its share of adversities and adversaries (one-sided). And betrayals I have had but a life-changing few. And I think looking back, I can stake my claims on my share of doubt. But, I am resilient and i rise up again and maintain this blind optimism. IT isn't an overdose of hopefulness; but more of me growing up in an environment where I had it good for too long a time. For me to change my views and see the world as limited and daunting is uncool. Growing up, I have mostly seen the world as an immaculately beautiful place. And despite the many dogged cracks it possesses, we all can carry our own torch of positivity and take steps to make it a little better each day.
What's so wrong about wanting a little sunshine each day?
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