Grateful Project- Days 2 & 3

Day 2
Today I am grateful for-
1.  This couch because despite being under the weather the last 48 hours, I slept for an average of 10 hours in the last 2 days... and the couch made me look at the aquarium more.

2.  Talking to my close friend G who's in BC and just catching up on stuff.

3.  An inspiring Dutch who founded the Home Sweet Home organization here in Shanghai and is helping so many indigent by giving them a chance to prove themselves.  Amazing!!!





Day 3
1.  Isabel Allende's passion and humor-- like only the Latinos can!  Something to emulate!
2.  The sun is out and soooo beautiful.
3.  My friend Sue shared funny photos of colleagues from a company party.

Compassion & Contribution.

This is the church on Hengshan Lu where I attended service yesterday afternoon.

The pastor focused on compassion and empathy.
In very few words, I'd like to say I am humbled by this talk and would like to contribute more to humanity.
It is something I think about and I need a bigger cooking pan for all the ideas that I am brewing in my head...

My Gratitude Project- Day 1.

Today I am grateful for:                   ... 13:04 "Momma! Guess what??? Sammo graduated from middle school yesterday. :) Wow you must feel old.  Haha just kidding :p"

... discovery of a new fruit. It's tart, pulpy and I liked it.

... a random conversation with a 7- feet tall guy whose photo I didn't get wish I did!

My 21/17 Theory

Today I started doing the Maple Syrup diet which is AKA the Master Cleanse diet.  Detox is the promise of this cleanse.  It leaves your system cleaner and better, which is great for me personally.  Let me tell you why.

1.  I've been getting these pimples left and right since summer 2012... and my skin up until this period of time has been in pretty astounding shape.  But that's not why!

2.  I smoke.

My main reason for doing the cleanse is to quit smoking.  One of the reasons is cause research suggests that smokers tend to sire kids who smoke.  And my ex smokes... and I smoke...  I want to stop because I don't want my kids to smoke.  Pollution is already bad enough and I really can say that smoking does not need to be on my children's living agenda.  And I don't want to contribute to upping the percentage.


Also it is a common belief in psychology that it takes 21 days to bring about new habits (also true for letting go of them...).  So technically in a year's time you can sire 17 new good habits every year which is what I wanna do.

Very quickly now, the things that come to mind are-
1.  to quit smoking
2.  to eat more fruit
3.  to read one book every 2 weeks...
4.  more of those to come!

JUst need to write it down to make sure I am not smoking anymore by the time summer starts in 2013!

fate. destiny. love.

Even titanium have their kryptonite.

People say I'm tough and those who know me well will often remark that I am a man trapped in a woman's body.

My mom has said to me, more than once, "If you had a been born a boy, I wouldn't have any problem with you..."

Very accurate statements.

Sue's boyf who grew up roughing it in Liverpool said he's never met a woman who was very direct in word and deed.
I wasn't always like this.

I might just be made of TITANIUM.

I have had guys I dated ask me if I am lesbian.

(Yes, during the date.)

My friend Colin calls me trouble.

He is not wrong to say this as well.

K called me an exotic woman who needs her sun.

This is why he is special- he has me figured out.

And yet I will drop everything in the name of love.

For the love of one man.
And I can't find him...

We all seek the unattainable.

This is a flaw: my one major flaw.

I am abstruse and arbitrary, BUT!

Above all these qualities, I am by and large, a hopeless romantic.

And now I realize the reason I can't figure you out...is because you yourself haven't figured you out.

You need time.

I don't think about men all that much, but I think of you more than usual.

I think less and less of you now... it is getting easier.

Time has really been on my side. 

And work, well, as well... has been pouring so there has been none of the former to think of you.

And just today I realized the time, the distance and the unknown is actually working in my favor.

All my energies are channelled into my work.

My focus is unshakeable... my drive for personal betterment is unperturbed.

Today, in the middle of an Americano and a random thought of you, someone said to me...

"Your lives will intertwine again when both of you are ready."

That did it for me.

I'm done thinking, analyzing, hoping and waiting.

For a love that has no hope of coming full throttle.

I will let you go with 2 things:

(1) The fervent hope that you discover more of yourself from this time till I see you again; and,

(2) When I see you again, we will both be happy and better upgrades of our present selves.

Our lives will intertwine again when both of us are ready.

I'll miss you, goodbye.

Delay Strengthens Desire.

(photo taken from Facebook)

Pop culture, nowadays has the very popular one-liner- you snooze, you lose.
And it's been catching.

Yet I find this old adage much more viable:  fools rush in.
For me, of the rudiments of desire, two that I hold close are time and timing.
Every piece might fit but if the timing is wrong, then leave it be.
At least for now.
I  was never one to force the issue.  Or demand the unrealistic.
At work or play, I always ask the other party.
Is this doable?
Management of expectations- yours as well as theirs, is a very important yet underrated thing.
At the end of the day, every single person knows themselves better than anyone.
So whether they say aye or nay, I stand up and take notice.
Of course it's not happy when they answer in the negative.
But they were honest enough to call out their own limitations.
This too me is something that needs to be considered.

Nothing good ever came easy:  the possibilities of nurture was never an overnight sensation.
The solidity of "worth waiting for" may lie in the waiting, in the striving, in the 'getting there.'
So yes, delay strengthens desire.
And no, sometimes, there's no other choice but to take it slow.
Keep at it, slowly and with consistency.
The chips still fall where they may; but focus on your goals.
Be open to compromise, but do so only in the small things.
The big things-- your belief systems, your values, your ideals? Hold on to them.
They will matter, whether your 25, 65 or 85... so be steadfast.
If you know when to hold on and let go, you will  most likely wind up in a great, great, great place, be around your loved ones and have happiness by the shipload. :)

i miss you. good night.

...I'm fine baby how are you?

WANTED: Personal Bagger.

Benefits: Will offer to unpack too.
Also, experienced Personal Assistant (I do mean very, very, very personal x)
Anytime you need to talk, my ears & empathy will exalt you.
Anytime you need to laugh, count on me, your very own Ms. Kooky.
Anytime you wanna dance, I can get down & duuuuuurrrrrty.
Anytime you need a hug, you can have my arms wholly around you. Just you.
And when you feel alone, I will pack my own baggage and make sure yours are packed as well.
And although I don't cook, my hugs & kisses compensate really well.  
(Trial is free of charge.  But of course.)
Recently I have started packing light.

This development not only makes me a perfect travel buddy, it also makes me a  helluva partner.

here's what's good about goodbye.

Leos romanticize everything. So shoot me!

In December 2011, I met someone. (See A modern day fairy tale.)

It was one of the more romantic experiences I've been in.
I romanticized everything that followed just cause.
Imagined the happy-ever-after in my head.
He was the prince, however minimal his willingness was.
And I was holding on to all this for the same reason.

The idea of romance coming to sweep me off my feet.

And I held on to this guy for the same (wrong) reasons.

Doesn't make it right, right?

He made me happy- WHEN I HEARD FROM HIM.

Which was unfortunately for me-- not very often.

But those times that I don't hear from him made me feel hmmm...lonely.

In fact, not hearing from him made me feel lonelier.

His work was his priority and I don't hate him for it.

It was one of the things I admired about him.

But in the back of my mind, I would always feel I was bothering him.

And when I would try to tell him about my bad day or a bad incident at work,

he replied a few days later.

(What the eff was that about anyway?)

So his work ethic is one of his more admirable traits.

But it was also the one thing that got me thinking he wasn't for me.
So as the time passed- we drifted.
And I would feel guilty about meeting other people.
(Why the eff who knows, right?)

In my heart, I wanted someone who was consistent.
Wholly made an effort.

To call.

To text.

To make me laugh.

To blow kisses my way.

To ask how my day was.

Because that's the kind of person that I am.

I know what I want.

I know what I need.

I know what I can offer.

And I know it's not a "now-I-see-you-then-I don't" guy.

I need to make someone feel important.

I need to hear a voice on the other line smile when I say "I've missed you."

I need to hear someone tell me everything will be okay.

Because when someone matters to me- I want to make him count too.

I really did enjoy talking to him but being in touch intermittently made me hold on to all the right things with the wrong person.

And I've decided, my heart has had enough.

The romance that I associate with him was thoroughly undeserved.

So, yeah it was not good.

So, as of today and for the meantime, I finally made the move to cease communicating.
I am a special girl looking for a special something and it takes a special guy to see...

Feel the oomph in that!

it took 7 months to realize he didn't make the cut.

'1'

if you're not the one, leave. right. now.

I know you're getting tired of hearing me say that.

(And frankly I am getting tired of saying it ever so often myself!)

But I did.

Again.

I met 4 guys prior to the weekend I left Beijing.

Three of them asked me out the week I was to fly back home.

I even had dinner with one.

And he walked me home and wanted to take me back to my apartment.

I stopped him halfway, hailed him a cab and sent him home.

(I paid for the dinner as well.)

I will never see him again.

The other guy messaged me as I was heading out the door.

Wanted to play pool with me.

Told him raincheck.

I am ...hmmm... uninterested as well.

So!

Definitely-- it's not him and him.

Those 2 are not 'the 1!'

I have met some guys since being back home.

One of whom (#3) is getting married.

He calls everyday and is in touch.

But I don't want to tie myself to someone who's tied to someone else.

Why would I want 1/2 when I can have 1?

Right?

And despite my loneliness, it IS a big ocean.

So not him.

Once again.

Number 3 is not the '1.'

Another guy I met over the weekend whilst having a nightcap with friends.

Came to our table introduced himself and asked to join us.

We chatted about work and football.

Then proceeded to Opus and danced the night away.

Then he invited me back to his place.

I politely declined and thanked him for a nice evening.

He emailed me yesterday and wanted to stay in touch.

Is guy number 4 the '1?'

So I keep meeting men.

And they seem to like me back.

Or so it seems.

And yet for all love's intents and purposes...

I am a lone one.

And I've been for awhile now.

I may meet a lot but clearly I have no '1.'