When I was young, I thought LOVE was the end-all and be-all of life. Romance was the proverbial shiznit I would want in my life. I would define love by the arduous way a man would change my life. It was a simple equation, I wanted my life to qualify in the 'well-lived' category.
From the time I was 15, I defined romance as it should be for me. I was one of the simplest individuals I knew in high school. I am so simple... relatively low maintenance. If I had books, friends and some semblance of a life around me, I was good. I didn't need the clutter, the drama. Good God, I hated all that crap.
The thing about me is, I'm an individual. I don't conform, not because I don't want to but because this is the way it is. I just think outside the box. Imagine a box. Now imagine me out of it. I'm not talking about a scrimmage of being pushed into the box.
Although this is the way it's been my entire life. And this is not sometimes. This is usually the case. I don't think like most people. Pick out 100 people in a crowd, and I would be one of 2 in the group who would most probably have a different piece to offer. Not because I want to be different. The idea of fitting in is appealing. Just that when I do what conforms to what people think, I have a discomfit feeling in my throat or my psyche. A wave of disorientation comes through. So I have come to believe that my mind operates in an inverted way. I would say 'different,' which is by no means a bad thing. My last relationship really busted my chops because he kept nitpicking at my way of thinking. I already told him I had my way of thinking and he shouldn't get in the middle of it. In the end, that was all he did. Dealbreaker. (I digress but you get the gist.)
From the time I was 15, I defined romance as it should be for me. I was one of the simplest individuals I knew in high school. I am so simple... relatively low maintenance. If I had books, friends and some semblance of a life around me, I was good. I didn't need the clutter, the drama. Good God, I hated all that crap.
Although this is the way it's been my entire life. And this is not sometimes. This is usually the case. I don't think like most people. Pick out 100 people in a crowd, and I would be one of 2 in the group who would most probably have a different piece to offer. Not because I want to be different. The idea of fitting in is appealing. Just that when I do what conforms to what people think, I have a discomfit feeling in my throat or my psyche. A wave of disorientation comes through. So I have come to believe that my mind operates in an inverted way. I would say 'different,' which is by no means a bad thing. My last relationship really busted my chops because he kept nitpicking at my way of thinking. I already told him I had my way of thinking and he shouldn't get in the middle of it. In the end, that was all he did. Dealbreaker. (I digress but you get the gist.)
Apart from my distinctive "out of the boxness," I have always ascribed to the belief that love conquers all. Cliche...but how else does a cliche come to be? By the simple application of its truth to a lot of people. Simple, right? For someone's who has only had 3 relationships, one has to wonder if I am an expert on relationships. Clearly not. But I may just be an expert on singlehood. That might be more up my alley. The thing is, I would love to fall in love, but never in my dreams would I dream of lowering the bar. I don't settle.
I believe that when you love someone, you just love them. I don't think it's about acceptance. Acceptance is about making love last and remembering that love is a verb. But LOVE in itself is a unique and overwhelming feeling about someone. Love makes you hate yourself because you usually love the most the one who deserves it least. It's true. But yeah, that's life.
Shel Silverstein's "The Missing Piece" says that you would walk the world alone till you find the piece that fit. That which made you complete. Maybe being a book reader at a young age made me believe that there was a real type of love that was the writ of fiction. But... I see it happen.
When I hear Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" I think this is the feel of it. What love must be.
INTENSE. PASSIONATE. NO REGRETS.
Almost two decades have passed me by & I still feel this is what falling in love should be. The idealism persists. My teenage dream lives on.
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