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| the search continues... |
"Not much." pretty much sums it up.
Yet, now, more than ever, I have decided (maybe rather foolishly) that I will not be swayed by this overriding lackadaisical attitude towards LOVE.
I must stay stellar and continue to be the wide-eyed believer that I have always been.
Maybe we always want something we were never born with.
Growing up with a single mom may have something to do with it.
It does something to your reality check.
Maybe because I have seen my share of divorces, separations and de-couple-ing that I persist.
I see it here and there, the thrills and frills of a romantic casual.
It gets old pretty fast with me.
I'm not into it.
Despite all these foolish innuendos, I still see enough of love...and how people go through life-changing processes for the person they love.
Maybe that's also why I persist.
I HONESTLY DO NOT KNOW.
A little passionate adventure gone awry some fortnight ago, a newfound friend asked me what was the most important to me.
He said for him it was freedom.
That he worked hard to be free and find happiness through it.
My dinner at midnight thrown off-course, pointblank where I've already had my bottle's worth of really good Argentinian wine (TY Lionel Messi...) I found myself saying,
"Love. Love. Love is the most important thing for me."
Because after everything that I've seen in life.
Love remains supreme for me.
I yearn for passion...
Chase after the soul of an experience;
Think of a warmth of a kiss;
I remember, it was love that led me there.
Maybe while the world has continued to turn and deviate from what love used to mean, I continue to stand solidly on this hopelessly romantic yet dated belief that it is all it's cracked up to be.
Love is where it's at.
And where it's at is doubtless where I wanna be.
Lost and found.
Yes, love is the most important thing for me.
More than ever, I will persist with these standards when it comes to finding the ONE for me.
Because there is someONE.
And he is out there.
And he seeks me, the very same way I seek him.
And I yearn for that union, the same equal way he dreams about it every so often.
Hmmm love.
Yes, it is worth the wait.
I fall, and I fail.
And I fail.
(Yes it just so happens that I fail often.)
But, ultimately I soldier on.
If it hurts, then it hurts.
Sometimes it has to.
It can't all be up and above the clouds all the time, right?
Remember too.. why it hurts
It isn't because he doesn't care, it's because I do.
But that's okay.
Hurt is a temporary setback.
And hurting makes an individual persist all the more.
Makes the individual want it more and more.
It is worth the wait, so long as it is with the right person.
So I tell myself, "Setbacks notwithstanding-- this too...shall pass."
I recover a bit of myself everyday.
One day, not far from now, I will be smiling and laughing and be blissful again.
Nothing much can done about being an erring human and exposing myself.
We all get tempted because we are all the same.
What varies is the depth and degree of ourselves which we give to others.
(And therein lies the problem.)
It is human nature to assume the best of a bad situation.
We all wanna believe in great things and awesome possibilities and ultimately happy endings.
No one deserves less than the best of what life can and will offer.
One day it will happen and it will be all that I believe it to be.
One day it will be the right match.
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