Day 5: My tribute to Smoking

I am chewing on a coffee straw as I write down my thoughts speedily hoping I don't forget:
I QUIT SMOKING. YET I MISS IT SOOOOOOOOO MUCH.
One of coffee straws I knick from my sponsor (Thank you Mickey Dee!!!) on a regular basis to avoid
cigarettes.

I love that after a training and I have a fag, light up & a feeling of calm passes over me.
I love having a ciggie with my morning coffee.

I love the taste of a kiss after I've had cigarettes and some vodka.

I love having one cigarette with some wine and cheese after a rough day's work.

(which is almost everyday in China...)

And yet...

I hate the smell of cigarettes.
I hate the taste of cigarettes.
I hate that my health isn't at its best because I keep smoking.

Most of all, I hate being addicted to nicotine.

And yet as I write this, I salivate at the idea of lighting up.

I need to write this down and concretely express my love-hate obsession with smoking.

Smoking I love/hate you, but I really want to give you up.

You're no good for me.

Like a lover that reels me in with a look.

I love/hate you...but I'm giving you up.

Please let me forget you.