Fix Me

I barely slept last night and was dreading my physio today.

As expected, I performed my exercises quite weakly. It was good that the beds for the hanging leg exercises were full- gave me sometime to rest. I decided to forego painkillers from today onwards because my sleep patterns have been whack due to my sleeping uncontrollaby during daytime. And while the meds do help keep the pain at bay: I have just about had it with dodging pain by way of artificial means. I was listening to the song "Fix You (by Coldplay)" when Miss Cheng noticed me idly humming came to my bedside. As always she gave me some stretching in my very stiff hip area. Albeit micromovements, these massages (aka static stretching) bring tears to my eyes. She gauges my facial reaction and sensitively asks me if it's time to release. In my most pained masochistic look, I tell her to go on. The way I see it, pain is pain. If it doesn't hurt today, at some stage in the future, 'the hurt' will happen. When I do physio the pain is there at varying times. Duress at its finest. And on alternate days when I am home, doing my leg shift exercise, or my pillow adductor exercise or lifting my lower leg ( going up & down), the pain comes again. At the rate that i'm going, I foresee "painful" times ahead. So yeah, I'm gonna take it like a 'man.' So there. I've done it. I've decided not to take the easy way out. Just accept the healing pain as it is.

I can ascertain that the tears will come but after it all, I know the permanent state of healing will have ran
its course. One day all this will be a "WHAT" that didn't kill me and made me stronger!