Crutch Notes #1: Two Weeks Later.

A fortnight after my Valentine operation, I am healing.  

My left leg is semi-functional.   I am able to stand upright and make tiny steps with no crutches, though I do get caught in instances where I lose my balance and just free-fall. It really gives, just like that. Sort of a dilapidated drawbridge. I wonder now why I never listened more to my body. I was so good at pushing myself I never once saw how badly I needed some TLC too.  I had been so eager to stay active that I had compromised my body. Balance had always been key, unfortunately I never saw it as one of my options. 

Now, I sit up, slow down and pay extra attention to life as it goes about teaching me this very hard lesson.  

<-Somewhere in the middle of it all, I muster a smile.

More than the physical challenges, it is the mental & emotional overhaul that reels me in endlessly humbling ways. The instances that takes me by surprise are normally ones I ignored in the past.  Obviously, patience is not part of my core characteristics, and is admittedly, still a trait in progress; one that isn't without its eye-opening demands.

*TRUST. I had become so afraid to put myself out there that I built a wall that cloistered me from the throes of full social interaction.  Sure, I made myself appear open when deep inside I was locked in.  I could be trusted but I wouldn't risk trusting anyone.  This had been the state of my world for the longest time.  I look at the person I had been before and although I understand how the hell I got here, I also realise now that I should believe more in giving people the chance to make a difference in my life.  It's all basic:  TRUST is the main building block of all relationships & to enable myself to trust and believe in others may just be a step up to getting to where I need to be.

*IMMOBILITY. This was initially hard to accept. I had been such an arrogant b*A*ch. How does an individual accept the sudden loss of motion when she got such a kick out of it??Movement made me feel alive-- I love roaming around to people-watch. I disciplined myself to turn in early every night to run at dawn. I lived out large by dancing and making it part of my daily agenda. I loved walking on sunshine... maybe I was sunshine walking on sunshine :) so much so that not walking has become the biggest physical challenge by far.    Sure I had proven that I could run 21 kilometres, could I prove to be just as cool sitting out the next 21 due to my injury?

*LIVE IN THE MOMENT.  Be unafraid to say/ show how you feel when the moment reveals itself.  Good or bad moments find their way to you randomly.  No right or wrong about feelings, I think...and keeping it in never did any good.  So, yeah, go ahead-- 
Tell someone off if you want your point taken.  
Hug someone who has made your day easier.  
Laugh at the really lame joke because you found it really funny.
    
The world has become rather impersonal nowadays.  A huge lot of us are afraid to speak our heart.  I still do believe everything must begin by being personal. What the hell is so wrong about it??  With no hope or agenda, just do what feels right.  
I'm sure everything progresses from there.  So give importance to now and believe in its power to change forever.
  
LIVE OUT LOUD.  Because life's just too damn short & time just flies too damn fast. :)