Love, that is.
How some people all too often look for love with the mindset of a researcher on a mission. Ahhh...the dictates of societal conventions. People generally look for a set of traits and conduct the "search."
"I want someone who plays golf and owns his business." (Someone who fits you to a tee & has time for you. There is such a thing as me-time. And it's high time we all realise it's damning importance.)
"I want a virgin." (Yeah apart from Taylor Swift, you see the Britneys & the Lindsays always sashaying in half-naked outfits kissing Samantha Ronson, not to mention the former's crazy bald moments... splattered on the broadsheets will actually up that statistic for you. Ahh our role models... A virgin...in 2010. Riiiiiiight.)
"The person for me will be someone who is intelligent, tall and on the honor's roll." (Oo nga tell me who doesn't want a genetic pool that will sire Einsteins and Newtons...)
"Dude, inlababo ako dun sa bf ko kasi ang tipo kong lalake yung nakakahalina yung mata." (Banlag lang yan...o singkit...yun lang yun.)
When you're in love, it's easy to mistake a pimple for a dimple...isn't it?
I can honestly say, I've never been thorough about my searches (if they're considered that). I've never really been methodical about love, never bothered with a list of "must-have traits." I wonder sometimes if I should have thought about it more-- but I really do go by my feelings- the way we connect, the exchange of thoughts and all the tension going on.
Young chubby tomboy that I was never really gave love much thought. I was more in love with my books, my thoughts and how I could write in a way that the words would enmesh with my feelings of the lot. A very naive notion but you know, love, very much like the so-called thing called life, happens when you're not looking.
My first brush with the opposite was when I was about 14, I was in SM having dinner at Sbarro with my baby sis and a guy sat on our table. I looked at him for two shakes and he said he wanted to get my name or number. I looked at him silently and stood up from the table. That was that. You can tell I was lacking in the smooth criminal/love game moves.
I don't think I ever fell in love with one particular type. My first boyfriend (SCORPIO) was a Spanish/Chinese mestizo, under 5'6", a swimmer's body with an artist's heart (What a combo right?). We talked about poetry and writing. He made me home-made love letters and did wallet-sized portraits of me...this was in high school went Aquanet was the one and only fashion paraphernalia available in Manila.
My second relationship (TAURUS) was 5'9" broad-shouldered, chunky Taurus who was the prototypical Tsinoy. The winning thing about this bloke is that when I made him laugh, you could see his entire face light up. You don't sense his happiness...you see it. It was an eight-year love affair interspersed with fiery passion and it was with him that I felt my patience pushed to the limit. I don't know what he's like now but when were together, we fought hard and loved harder. I remember many a sleepless night thinking, "Why the hell am I so in love with a man who obviously makes my life difficult because of his demands?" Yet I kept returning for more. Going back for love and all the fighting ensued...over and over again. I think I lost more than my virginity to him because I went in that relationship door in 1996 naive and idealistic and left in 2004 a different individual. I realised the difficulties that came with being with someone at a young age, only to see you and he grow apart as you hit maturity. Love's undoing is really when you stop wanting to try. That's all it is. When you stop wanting to make it better, it really is just a matter of time before it ends. In hindsight I realise we ended despite the well-meaning people who were trying to help us fix things. Because the reality of it was that the relationship wasn't solid enough. We wanted different things and had different views. I realise only after marriage does one realise who the right person is. No regrets, I was about 19 when I went into it and I don't regret loving a better person. Life is all about choices and the choice to go at a serious thing was a well intentioned decision. I just feel sorry that I didn't know then what I know now. I would have been more steadfast in the unsteadiness of it all.
Hmm.
In the movie Bridget Jones's Diary, there is the scene that gets to me every time.. OST is not bad either, there is a song called Someone Like You by Van Morrison which I feel is the most beautiful and underrated selection in the roster. It plays right at the very end & never fails to light me up. When i find him and he says "badnice girls don't kiss like that." I can be witty & reply, "Oh yessssss we f*ckin' do..."
I've been single for such a long time. Save for a six month relationship with another Scorpio who said I was difficult. Was I really??? After a four(ever) year something stint of being the singleton, I admit I've become bullishly independent. I don't think loneliness is that big a deal. It takes a lot of getting used to, sure... but I think discovering yourself in the process automatically makes the journey all the more fun. Plus you forget all the bad dates because they end up good mates anyway. And ultimately, you end up with the one least likely who makes his way to you when you least expect.
The ceaseless fascination of the redundant emotion called love.
Nothing beats it.
Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place. Ice T :`)
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