plays in the sun

The last two months had been a very trying one. Quite the shaker it was! It was my idea of a torture done in a mini-series. My inability to find something substantial to do took its toll and I was debilitated beyond belief.

I look back now and see how I loathed every second of it and although I see the resilience that built within me, I also saw how much of a hard a** I was. The intention to hurt was never there, but as was pointedly said to me, the capacity to do so was very evident. ouch! [It's not all good, the realisations, I mean...but hey, who ever said we walk the earth to be someone's idea of perfection??? Must be doing a take of Miss Independent' more like!]

This week in particular found me with a door of happiness closing...and a wider door advancing to another kind of happiness. A more fulfilling kind. (Been thinking how much of a role I played. Like Kevin Spacey in the Usual Suspects- you don't see it till the final bits. Well that was me, I was Kevin Spacey.) Sometimes even Keven Spaceys have not the inkling of the deed while it's being done. In hindsight, looking at how things played out, from the get go, instinct told me this was definitely maybe not. I know it was a good run, I knew the end bits wouldn't be easy, I just didn't anticipate how much harder it would be. In retrospect, my circumstances and clashes didn't permit a balance between the two scales of happiness. I've always known instinctively I had either one or the other. Happy ever after was never in the fineprint of my life. I'm resigned to my fate- all is as it should be. Could be said Kevin Spacey loved for a season. Half year flew so fast, too bad the last couple of weeks came a-drizzling with so much uhm...stuff.

And as one season ends, another starts to give way to a new season filled with even brighter dreams. We made a damn good mark, our plays in the sun. One of the most beautiful to have come to me by far...and will certainly be one of the last to go should my memory bank start running out of mental byte space. As I move forward, I will be the first to say, I had the extra bursts of sunshine to ride me through the finish line. I will always be thankful for everything that came and went with this.

...The best is yet to come and the sunset will be just as grand, baby.